


What up I'm Ling, I'm 15, and I never fucking learned how to read

by averywrites



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Gen, Group chat, M/M, Texting, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, and everyone else is a student, chat fic, ed is a teacher, hes still 15 though, lings in college, mustangs team are all teachers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-05-31 11:51:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15118811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/averywrites/pseuds/averywrites
Summary: golden gaytime: milk doesnt stop incels from bursting into your room and calling you short-Ed is a child prodigy and joins Amestris High as a teacher at age 15. Shenanigans go down, all in the form of a chat fic (teachers and students included!)





	1. ed's Adult Job

**Author's Note:**

> first of all, id like to thank my lovely bf, editor, and text adder micah ( @zaethiopica on tumblr) for helping me with this!
> 
> context: this starts teacher planning week  
> mustangs team all share the same hallway  
> ed is 15 and a prodigy  
> the other Kids minus al and mei are also 15  
> al's 14 and mei's 13  
> also here's the usernames
> 
> Ed-golden gaytime  
> Al-this bitch empty  
> Winry-bob the builder  
> Paninya-:3c  
> Ling-king dingaling  
> Lan fan-ninjago  
> Mei-yeet  
> Havoc: Havcock  
> everyone else is just their name! (for now)  
> Hope you enjoy!!

_ DM with this bitch empty _

_ 8:10 AM _

 

**golden gaytime:** UGH

**this bitch empty:** hewwo bwothew :3c

**golden gaytime:** die.

**this bitch empty:** you shouldnt be so mean to your little brother :/

**golden gaytime:** you shouldnt be a furry and yet here we are

**this bitch empty:** well YOU shouldnt be on your phone when you’re supposed to be going to a meeting!

**this bitch empty:** and im not a furry

**golden gaytime:** you cant hide from the truth

**this bitch empty:** >>:3c

**golden gaytime:** and meetings suck ass

**this bitch empty:** eloquent as always, brother

**golden gaytime:** ugh i do actually have to go though

**this bitch empty:** have fun!

**golden gaytime:** no.

 

_ 8:30 AM _

 

**golden gaytime:** AL

**this bitch empty:** yes brother?

**golden gaytime:** I WALK IN

**golden gaytime:** ALL HEADS TURN TO ME LIKE IM IN A GODDAMN TEEN MOVIE

**golden gaytime:** THERE IS A MOMENT OF SILENCE

**golden gaytime:** AND THEN

**this bitch empty** : and then…?

**golden gaytime:** THIS BASTARD LOOKS ME IN THE EYE

**golden gaytime:** AND SAYS

**golden gaytime:** “STUDENTS DONT START UNTIL NEXT WEEK”

**this bitch empty** : djkhbndjnxf

**golden gaytime:** THIS ISNT FUNNY!

**golden gaytime:** THEY TOLD ME TO TAKE OUT MY DRIVERS LICENSE TO PROVE THAT I WAS ACTUALLY EDWARD ELRIC AND IT WAS IN THAT MOMENT I WANTED TO DIE

**golden gaytime:** I HAD TO SHOW THEM MY MERE PERMIT AND THEY HAD THE NERVE TO L A U G H

**this bitch empty:** well its not exactly common for a 15 year old to be a teacher

**golden gaytime:** i cant believe youd betray me like this

**golden gaytime:** me, your own brother

**this bitch empty:** youre so dramatic

**this bitch empty:** dont you have a meeting to be paying attention to?

**golden gaytime:** nah theyre just going over the rules 

**this bitch empty:** bwother!  

**golden gaytime** : 1) die

**golden gaytime:** 2) unlike most people i read the fucking handbook i already know everything

 

_ 9:07 AM _

 

**golden gaytime:** i crave death

**golden gaytime:** mr incel over here keeps flirting with everyone

**golden gaytime:** hes not even flirting well

**this bitch empty:** who is mr incel

**this bitch empty:** please tell me i dont have him i might die

**golden gaytime:** nah he teaches gym

**this bitch empty:** oh good

**this bitch empty:** who do i have

**this bitch empty:** if im going to have a teacher for a brother im damn well going to cash in on my nepotism points

**golden gaytime:** mr bastard teaches physics and calc so youre stuck with him for three entire periods

**this bitch empty:** mr bastard?

**golden gaytime:** hes the one who told me students dont start until next week AND asked me for my drivers license all with this FUCKING smirk on his face

**golden gaytime:** i want to deck him

**this bitch empty:** i dont think thats a good idea

**golden gaytime:** well i WONT but i would like to

**golden gaytime:** at least not on campus

**this bitch empty:** :/

**golden gaytime:** the ap bio teacher seems ok shes pretty young too

**golden gaytime:** the other bio teacher keeps making moon eyes at her though

**this bitch empty:** good! 

**this bitch empty:** at least about her being young

**this bitch empty:** i dont want to think about teachers flirting

**golden gaytime:** you and me both

**golden gaytime:** the econ teacher has a daughter he doesnt shut up about

**golden gaytime:** id be prepared to see atleast ten pictures of her every class period

**golden gaytime:** and the ap lit teacher seems fine 

**golden gaytime:** none of them are as cool as me though

**this bitch empty:** mhm

**this bitch empty:** whatever helps you sleep at night, brother

 

_ Roy Mustang has added Riza Hawkeye and 9 others to ABCD Hallway Groupchat _

_ 9:20 AM _

 

**Roy Mustang:** Please keep this groupchat professional, it should be used for work purposes only.

**golden gaytime:** coward

**Riza Hawkeye:** Why.

**Riza Hawkeye:** We are sitting right next to each other.

**Riza Hawkeye:** This is not necessary.

**Maes Hughes:** Oh goody! Another place for me to share pictures of my lovely Elicia! :D

**Havcock:** lighten up roy

**Havcock:** oh

**Havcock:** oh no

**Roy Mustang:** Jean why?

**Havcock:** ….reasons

**golden gaytime:** i cant believe this incel has a better username than all you losers

**Roy Mustang:** What’s an incel?

**golden gaytime:** you, probably

**Maria Ross:** Just google it

**Roy Mustang:** I don’t disrespect women!

**Havcock:** if she breathes she a thot

**golden gaytime:** ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS

**Havcock:** hawkeye! Youve wounded me :( steel toed boots hurt

**Riza Hawkeye:** Good.

**Roy Mustang:** I am not an “incel”!

**golden gaytime:** thats what an incel would say 

**Roy Mustang:** Maybe you’ve been the incel all along.

**golden gaytime:** i never want to read that sentence ever again and especially not from you

**Roy Mustang:** Then you shouldn’t go around calling people incels.

**golden gaytime:** alright old man fight me behind a dennys parking lot

**Roy Mustang:** Why would I do that?

**Roy Mustang:** And I’m not old!

**Roy Mustang:** Twenty-nine is still young!

**golden gaytime:** sure it is old man

**Maria Ross:** This is the best conversation I have ever laid eyes on

**Riza Hawkeye:** Everytime you two speak I lose ten years of my life

 

_ Riza Hawkeye has changed the groupchat name to Mustang get your shit together _

 

**Roy Mustang:** I am not the only one at fault here!

**Riza Hawkeye:** You are the adult, though. You should not be arguing with a kid about being an incel.

**golden gaytime:** HEY! IM NOT A KID!

**Havcock:** youre literally 12

**golden gaytime:** i am FIFTEEN

**Havcock:** a baby

**golden gaytime:** perish.

**Riza Hawkeye:** Everybody off the phones, now. This paperwork won’t fill itself out.

 

_ Golden gaytime has added this bitch empty and 4 others to Welcome to Bible Study! _

_ 9:30 AM _

 

**golden gaytime:** welcome students.

**bob the builder:** literally none of us are in your class but go off i guess

**golden gaytime:** respect your elders winry

**bob the builder:** says you

**golden gaytime:** HEY! I am perfectly respectful of my elders

**this bitch empty:** today you called another teacher an incel

**King Dingaling:** aw youve learned!

**golden gaytime:** al you traitor, i told you that in CONFIDENCE

**golden gaytime:** this is biphobia

**golden gaytime:** i hate all of you

**golden gaytime:** i have to GO because unlike you all i have a JOB

**golden gaytime:** an ADULT job

**golden gaytime:** because im an ADULT now

 

_ Mustang get your shit together _

_ 10:45 AM _

 

**Havcock:** HELP I THINK I JUST KILLED OUR NEW CHEM TEACHER

**Maria Ross:** Again??

**Roy Mustang:** What did you do this time?

**Havcock:** nothing!

**Havcock:** i just walked in and he fell!

**Roy Mustang:** Sure.

**Riza Hawkeye:** Is he conscious?

**Havcock:** i think so

 

_ 10:58 AM _

 

**Havcock:** he is, in fact, conscious

**Havcock:** he is also very loud 

**golden gaytime:** YOURE THE ONE WHO NOT ONLY MADE ME FALL BUT ALSO CALLED ME SHORT AS I DIED ON MY OWN CLASSROOM FLOOR

**golden gaytime:** im suing you for emotional trauma

**Havcock:** babies cant sue people 

**golden gaytime:** IM NOT A BABY

**Maes Hughes:** You know who is a baby?! My lovely daughter Elicia!!

**Maes Hughes:** [elicia34.png]

**Maes Hughes:** Look at her!! She’s running around all by herself!!

**Riza Hawkeye:** She’s lovely, Hughes. Now, can everyone please get back to work? 

 

_ Welcome to bible study! _

_ 11:00 AM _

 

**golden gaytime:** i just almost died

**bob the builder:** maybe you should drink more milk

**golden gaytime:** no.

**golden gaytime:** milk doesnt stop incels from bursting into your room and calling you short

**bob the builder:** i mean.

**bob the builder:** you aren’t wrong

**golden gaytime:** also all of you are terrible people for not asking how i just almost DIED

**ninjago:** You have a near death experience every day.

**golden gaytime:** one day im going to actually die and you will all be sorry for not taking me seriously

**this bitch empty:** more apple pie for me then!

**golden gaytime:** WOW

**this bitch empty:** dont you have lesson plans to finish at your  _ Adult _ Job

**golden gaytime:** oh fuck


	2. dumbassphobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jean havoc, local known dumbass cis, goes into shock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a very trans and gay chapter so like? youre welcome.

_ Mustang get your shit together _

_ 9:15 AM _

 

**Denny Brosch:** I need to get something off my chest…

**Denny Brosch:** Guess who’s getting top surgery!!

**golden gaytime:** god i wish that was me

**Kain Fuery:** Oh mood

**Maria Ross:** Congrats!!!!

**Riza Hawkeye:** Congrats, Brosch.

**golden gaytime:** wait

**golden gaytime:** your name is fucking denny???

**Denny Brosch:** Five year old me made a grave mistake.

**Havcock:** five year old you was just preparing you for your lifelong job of memeing on the dennys twitter

**Denny Brosch:** Sure, Jean.

 

_ Denny Brosch’s username has been changed to Denny’s Diner _

 

**Denny’s Diner:** This is blatant transphobia.

**Denny’s Diner:** I’m suing whoever changed my name as this is obviously a hate crime.

**Havcock:** youre trans???????????

**Rebecca Catalina:** Jean,,,

**golden gaytime:** i

**Kain Fuery:** What did you think he meant by top surgery???

**Havcock:** uh

**Havcock:** it just,, took a moment to sink in?

**Heymans Breda:** This is why you can’t get a girl.

**Havcock:** HEY!!

**Denny’s Diner:** Jean we've known each other for five years

**Denny’s Diner:** How, may I ask, the fuck

**golden gaytime:** ive literally only been here for a week and i knew he was trans

**Havcock:** this is bullying

**Havcock:** youre all enforcing dumbassphobia and i will not stand for this!

 

_ Havcock’s username has been changed to dumbass _

_ Kain Fuery’s username has been changed to dumbassphobic _

 

**dumbass:** WOW

**dumbass:** why do you all hate me

**dumbassphobic:** It had to be done.

**golden gaytime:** thats...gay

**dumbass:** you literally have gay in your name

**golden gaytime:** ya 

**golden gaytime:** im an expert when it comes to gay

**dumbass:** is there anyone else whos trans that i dont know about??

**golden gaytime:** me

**Maria Ross:** I am!

**Riza Hawkeye:** I am.

**Vato Falman:** I’m nonbinary

**dumbass:** ...whats that

**Vato Falman:** Like not a guy or a girl just. You know,,, Not.

**dumbass:** i dont really understand 

**dumbass:** but i support you

**Vato Falman:** That’s okay, I don’t fully understand my gender either

**dumbass:** how have there been so many of you this whole time…

**dumbassphobic:** Jean….I literally openly talk about having breasts around you how are you this dense

**dumbass:** YOURE TRANS TOO?!

**dumbass:** i need to sit down

**dumbass:** this is too much

**golden gaytime:** really living up to your dumbass incel title huh

**dumbass:** perish.

 

_ Welcome to bible study! _

_ 10:13 AM _

 

**golden gaytime:** PSA the gym teacher is a dumbass incel

**:3c:** am i going to have to throw one of my legs at him in class

**golden gaytime:** mayhaps

**:3c:** aight ill start keeping spare parts in my locker

**:3c:** i might just have to start seeing a mechanic after every gym,,,what a shame,,,that i dont know anyone,,,up to the challenge

**:3c:** a tragedy,,, that there is not a wonderful blonde mechanic,,,in my home,,, right now,,,

**bob the builder:** wow thats gay

**Ninjago:** Stop texting and start cuddling cowards.

**King DIngaling:** use protection! :)

**Ninjago:** I can’t believe I ever thought you were royalty.

**King Dingaling:** i am royalty?? Its literally in my name :/

**Ninjago:** K.

**King Dinaling:** me, king of dicks, betrayed, in my own home

**golden gaytime:** can confirm he is the king of dicks

**this bitch empty:** eww

**King Dingaling:** aw thanks babe :’) 

**King Dingaling:** i know a certain SOMEONE who could learn from this :)

**Ninjago:** Sorry I can’t hear you over my two gfs :/

**Ninjago:** Oh would you look at that! I have to go be gay, goodbye fake royalty!

**King Dingaling:** :///

 

_ Mustang get your shit together _

_ 12:10 PM _

 

**Heymans Breda:** Fuery are you ok?

**Heymans Breda:** That was a very loud scream

**Roy Mustang:** Do you need help, Fuery?

**dumbass:** kain you good??

**Rebecca Catalina:** “Kain” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**dumbass:** he could be DEAD and youre here lenny facing it up smh

**Riza Hawkeye:** Fuery is fine.

**dumbassphobic:** DID YOU GUYS KNOW ED IS MISSING AN ARM?!

**dumbass:** hes WHAT

**golden gaytime:** oh you didnt know?

**golden gaytime:** all the teens these days only have one arm and one leg

**dumbass:** YOURE MISSING A LEG TOO??

**golden gaytime:** all the cool kids are

**Rebecca Catalina:** I guess you could say...it really cost you an arm and a leg

**golden gaytime:** hahaha wow havent heard that one before

**Roy Mustang:** You have to be over 5 feet tall to be cool, it’s in Newton’s laws.

**golden gaytime:** WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT YOU FUCKING CRUSTY ASS 1971 FORD MUSTANG 

**golden gaytime:** ILL KILL YOU YOU BASTARD

**Roy Mustang:** Good luck reaching that high.

 

_ 12:25 PM _

 

**Roy Mustang:** THROWING YOUR ARM AT ME WAS NOT NECESSARY

**Riza Hawkeye:** You had it coming, sir.

**Roy Mustang:** You’re my wife you’re supposed to be on my side!

**dumbass:** YOURE MARRIED?!

**dumbass:** ok im kidding this time

**dumbass:** i was a groomsman i know youre married

**Vato Falman:** I would hope so.

**Roy Mustang:** Also I told you you can stop calling me sir.

**Riza Hawkeye:** But why would I want to do that?

**Riza Hawkeye:** Sir.

**golden gaytime:** oh get a room

**golden gaytime:** my poor pure eyes cant handle this

**Roy Mustang:** We HAD a room until you and your disembodied limbs barged in!

 

_ Welcome to bible study! _

_ 12:30 PM _

 

**golden gaytime:** [moostang.png]

**golden gaytime:** this is what i have to deal with daily.

**King Dingaling:** your eyes have never been pure

**bob the builder:** you? Pure?? Since when???

**this bitch empty:** brother do you know what pure means? because you didnt use it right in that sentence 

**this bitch empty:** all this work for a phd and you dont even know what pure means...

**golden gaytime:** i came out here to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now

**bob the builder:** is he really as gross as a 1971 ford mustang

**golden gaytime:** personality wise? yes 

**golden gaytime:** physically? unfortunately not

**bob the builder:** what does he look like?

**golden gaytime:** [cryptidmustard.png]

**Ninjago:** Is that your arm barreling towards him?

**golden gaytime:** ya

**:3c:** iconic

**:3c:** limb throwing buddies strike again

 

_ DM with golden gaytime _

 

**Roy Mustang:** Have you talked to anyone about disability accommodations?

**golden gaytime:** no

**golden gaytime:** im fine on my own

**Roy Mustang:** I’m sure there’s more that can be done to make working easier.

**golden gaytime:** im on the first floor im Fine

**golden gaytime:** ive been missing half my limbs since i was 11 im not gonna start needing help now

**Roy Mustang:** If you insist.

**Roy Mustang:** But if you do decide you need help, I’m always here.

**golden gaytime:** whatever bastard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you thought in the comments or give me a good ol kudos if youd like! you can thank micah aka @zaethiopica for so many of the things that ended up in this chapter and also for editing because im a cant spell gay


	3. edward elric and the bottomless pit boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> golden gaytime: oh? you didnt know? youve been my sugar daddy this whole time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is all abt edling and also parental roy

_ DM with golden gaytime _

 

**King Dingaling:** babe

**King Dingaling:** baaabe

**King Dingaling:** baaaaaaaaaabe

**golden gaytime:** ya?

**King Dingaling:** are you free today

**golden gaytime:** bold of you to assume i am ever free from this eternal hell

**King Dingaling:** ok emo

**King Dingaling:** i was Going to take you on a date but apparently ur too preoccupied dying ur hair :/

**golden gaytime:** i have never been emo in my entire life

**King Dingaling:** anyone who has ever met you would disagree with that statement.

**golden gaytime:** WOW

 

_ DM with this bitch empty _

 

**golden gaytime:** am i emo

**this bitch empty:** yes

**this bitch empty:** why do you ask?

**golden gaytime:** UGH

 

_ Welcome to bible study! _

 

**golden gaytime:** hello friends, 

**golden gaytime:** would you consider me, the light of this groupchat, and all of your lives, emo?

**bob the builder:** yes

**:3c:** yeah duh

**Ninjago:** yes

**this bitch empty:** yes brother

**King Dingaling:** :)

**golden gaytime:** i cant believe ive been betrayed by all of my friends AND my boyfriend AND my brother

**golden gaytime:** never talk to me again.

**King Dingaling:** youre just proving my point dear

**King Dingaling:** or is that not edgy enough for you

**King Dingaling:** how about “handsome banquet of darkness from hell”?

**King Dingaling:** or maybe just “my lovely g note”

**golden gaytime:** DIE.

**King Dingaling:** that is no way to talk to your boyfriend who is also royalty with a faithful bodyguard 

**Ninjago:** :gun:

**golden gaytime:** PULL THE TRIGGER LAN FAN

**golden gaytime:** PUT ME OUT OF MY FUCKING MISERY

 

_ DM with golden gaytime _

 

**King Dingaling:** you never answered my question coward

**golden gaytime:** im stuck at school all day

**golden gaytime:** and then, after “planning” at one school, i have a chem lab at central

**King Dingaling:** rip in pieces

**King DIngaling:** where is ur classroom located

**King Dingaling:** asking for a friend

**golden gaytime:** 1st floor, left side of the school

**golden gaytime:** like 4 windows down or something

**King Dingaling:** good to know 

**King Dingaling:** have fun planning!

**golden gaytime:** i would literally rather have another limb cut off

 

_ Mustang get your shit together _

 

**golden gaytime:** hey does the cafeteria here have good food

**dumbass:** lol no

**golden gaytime:** damn

**golden gaytime:** does it have edible food??

**dumbassphobic:** That's questionable

**golden gaytime:** this is homophobia at its finest

**golden gaytime:** what cafeteria doesnt have edible food im going to die

**dumbass:** how do you not know anything about high school cafeterias

**golden gaytime:** you do know i graduated high school when i was like ten right?

**Dumbass:** what…

**golden gaytime:** and i was homeschooled

**Roy Mustang:** That explains a lot.

**golden gaytime:** what the FUCK is that supposed to mean?!

**Roy Mustang:** Nothing, fam.

**golden gaytime:** OH MY GOD

**golden gaytime:** NEVER DO THAT AGAIN

**dumbass:** you disappoint me mustang

**Maes Hughes:** Oh I’ve heard of that one!! You know who’s really fam though? My adorable baby girl Elicia!!

**Maes Hughes:** [elicia98.png]

**Maes Hughes:** Look at her run!! Life truly is lit, fam.

**Maria Ross:** She’s very cute!

**Riza Hawkeye:** She’s lovely, Hughes.

**golden gaytime:** hate to interrupt this. Lovely moment. but dire question-does this school have vending machines

**Rebecca Catalina:** Do you need food? Are you starving to death??

**golden gaytime:** i might as well be!

**Riza Hawkeye:** There’s a vending machine in L hall.

**golden gaytime:** nice

**golden gaytime:** hawkeye is my only friend now

 

**dumbass:** did you just buy the whole vending machine

**golden gaytime:** mayhaps

**dumbass:** why was that necessary

**golden gaytime:** im,,hungry

**golden gaytime:** duh

**Roy Mustang:** Aw you must be hitting your first growth spurt!

**golden gaytime:** DIE

 

_ DM with King Dingaling _

 

**golden gaytime:** im ready for ur bottomless pit

**King Dingaling:** owo?

**golden gaytime:** im breaking up with you

**King Dingaling:** :/

**golden gaytime:** i got a shit ton of junk food because apparently the cafeteria food is poisonous

**King Dingaling:** why would a cafeteria have poisonous food??

**golden gaytime:** idk 

**golden gaytime:** apparently all high schools are like that

**King Dingaling:** huh

**King Dingaling:** im going to bring you xingese take out to make up for ur poison food

**golden gaytime:** i knew i was dating you for a reason

**King Dingaling:** so my charming personality and dazzling good looks mean nothing to you??

**golden gaytime:** nah 

**golden gaytime:** im in it for the money and free food

**King Dingaling:** if you wanted a sugar daddy you couldve just asked 

**golden gaytime:** oh? you didnt know? youve been my sugar daddy this whole time

**King Dingaling:** well shit! i need to step up my take out game then 

**golden gaytime:** wtf marry me

**King Dingaling:** buy me a ring(pop) first

**golden gaytime:** im on it

 

**King Dingaling:** a little birdy is at your window open up!

**golden gaytime:** fucking finally

 

_ Mustang get your shit together _

 

**dumbass:** is there another new young teacher i havent heard about?

**Roy Mustang:** No, why?

**Vato Falman:** Are you sure this isn’t just a regular teacher you forgot exists?

**dumbass:** yes im sure

**dumbass:** well

**dumbass:** 80% sure atleast

**dumbass:** i just saw edward and some guy wandering the halls

**dumbass:** ed just gave mystery man a ring pop

**dumbassphobic:** That’s...odd

**dumbass:** im gonna follow them

**Heymans Breda:** That is a terrible idea.

**dumbass:** no its not im a spy

**Denny’s Diner:** You are very much not a spy.

**dumbassphobic:** You are perhaps the least stealthy person I’ve ever met

**dumbass:** wow rude

**dumbassphobic:** It’s not rude if it’s true

**dumbass:** sorry cant talk i have an important mission to do :/

 

**dumbass:** HOLY SHIT

**Denny’s Diner:** What’d you see??

**dumbass:** ED AND MYSTERY MAN JUST KISSED

**dumbass:** i have to skedaddle before they see me

**Riza Hawkeye:** You do realize Edward is in this chat right?

**dumbass:** ah shit

**dumbass:** well, it was nice knowing you all!

**Maria Ross:** I think I just saw Mystery Man climb out Ed’s window

**Maria Ross:** [run.png]

**Maria Ross:** This him?

**dumbass:** ya

**golden gaytime:** Hello, Jeanathan Havoc :)

**dumbass:** oh hello edward how has your day been

**golden gaytime:** i dont know why dont you tell me :)

**dumbass:** it seemed great to me! so great, in fact, that you didnt read any messages you may have missed!

**golden gaytime:** sleep with one eye open :)

**Roy Mustang:** It seems the kid can be intimidating when he wants to.

**golden gaytime:** ILL SHOW YOU KID

**golden gaytime:** WHERE ARE YOU BASTARD IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS

**Riza Hawkeye:** He’s hiding in his office.

**golden gaytime:** id kill for you hawkeye

 

**Roy Mustang:** Now that you have sufficiently destroyed my office door, I feel a talk is in order.

**golden gaytime:** fuck off

**dumbass:** “a talk” ;)

**golden gaytime:** EW

**Roy Mustang:** Who is that man you were with?

**golden gaytime:** my dumbass boyfriend ling

**Heymans Breda:** Aw young love

**Roy Mustang:** How did you meet this “ling”?

**golden gaytime:** at school

**golden gaytime:** why the fuck do you care

**Roy Mustang:** I’m just trying to look out for you. You should not be dating older men.

**golden gaytime:** KJFGHKJGHSF

**golden gaytime:** “OLDER MEN”

**golden gaytime:** IM OLDER THAN LING

**Roy Mustang:** You said you met him at school?

**golden gaytime:** just because hes in college doesnt mean hes college aged

**golden gaytime:** im getting a phd and im 15

**golden gaytime:** lings only on his bachelors though 

**Roy Mustang:** Oh. Carry on, then.

**Maes Hughes:** But if you do ever have relationship troubles you can always come to us! My beautiful little angel may only be three but I’ve still got dad instincts!

**golden gaytime:** thanks hughes

**Roy Mustang:** What, no thanks for me?

**golden gaytime:** no

**dumbass:** damn roasted

**golden gaytime:** B)

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! share your thoughts with a comment or just leave a kudos to show you liked it! 
> 
> my tumblr: @cutesoccercalvesbram  
> beta/editor/bf's tumblr: @zaethiopica


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